Several years ago we visited Senator Bill Hardiman during the Star Power Rally. He told us that when his children were young, he always thanked their teachers for helping him to educate his child.
The looked at him funny, and he explained further that it was his job; his responsibility to educate his children. School was a means to an end but not the end.
I often {respectfully} disagreed with Senator Hardiman politically, but parentally we are in complete agreement. “Good” schools have high levels of parental involvement. Improving schools try and engage parents because that is what “good” schools do.
My kids go to one of those good schools. The academics are outstanding. The parental involvement is so high it is ridiculous {and I gladly contribute to the ridiculousness}.
The dynamic changed for me this fall, when A.P. needed some additional services and accommodations. I brought in the forms, talked to the right people, and was delighted at how easy it was to get what he needed. Until he didn’t get what he needed. I needed a different form, and to talk to a different person. And then another.
Meanwhile, A.P. was having a rough time. Kids who have special needs {There. I said it.} get swallowed up by what seems to be a deliberate bureaucracy. I worked as quickly as I could, but he was going downhill fast.
I spent more and more time at school, sent more and more emails, made phone calls constantly. I was a pain in the butt. I was annoying. Very annoying. My husband was worried. My Dad was worried. I was pushing people who weren’t used to being pushed and they didn’t like it.
Last year I won the “Fierce Heart” advocacy award, but this year I focused ferocity on the child that is my heart. It was intense. And emotional, and exhausting. I was disappointed and frustrated. And yeah, I was scared that I was asking for too much because of how everyone around me was reacting.
I’m always five seconds away from homeschooling, but this fall it really, truly almost happened. Knowing that I wasn’t bluffing anymore fueled me. Either this would work out in a way that allowed A.P. a fighting chance at school, or I would provide that for him at home.
Educating my child is my responsibility. I was acting from that vantage point; it was my responsibility to make the school provide the accommodations my son needs and is entitled to. It was a weird fight to fight. I was surprised to find myself in the middle of it. I am relieved to be on the other side of it. Now, he has what he needs.
I am sharing this to encourage you. Sometimes I get a feeling that ‘someone out there’ needs to hear this:
Don’t be afraid to push when you need to. You know what your child needs, and you can make it happen. Don’t give up.
“School is an invaluable adjunct to the home, but it is a wretched substitute for it.”
Theodore Roosevelt
